Advice on introducing father's new girlfriend to baby?

He cheated on me with her when I was 5 months pregnant, so we broke up. I moved 5000km away to have my baby. Now, I am flying out there to stay for two weeks so he can meet his baby for the first time and bond.





He texted me today asking if his girlfriend can meet our baby. It's what he wants. I have to call him in about a half an hour to discuss it and I have no idea how to handle this situation! I was very hurt by what happened (I was PREGNANT!) and it is really bothering me a lot to have to even think of that situation.





The baby will be three months. And I am breastfeeding so leaving them with him overnight is out of the question. But what is a good idea that is fair? I really would rather it just be baby and father so they can get a chance to bond. I want him to fall in love with his son like I did and it is something you do one on one. My idea was that perhaps she can briefly meet him at the end of our trip, and while I am present. Is that reasonable? What is?Advice on introducing father's new girlfriend to baby?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.





Tell him you are flying there for HIM to spend time with HIS child, not for her to. She has NO rights to this baby. I wouldn't go if he demands his gf is there. I'd say you choose your girlfriend or your child....period.Advice on introducing father's new girlfriend to baby?
I don't think it's unreasonable for you to say you don't want baby to meet the new girlfriend. Use the excuse that you will be there and YOU don't want to meet her!! If you are breastfeeding, you need to be with baby to meet all of his needs.





I'm sorry he put you in this position, you're certainly being the ';bigger'; person by flying out there. You're already going above and beyond what you are obligated to. He needs to ';man-up'; and keep girlfriend out of the picture.
I think it's very big of you to let her meet him at all. Personally, though, I think it's a bad idea. Until she's Daddy's wife, she has no place in your child's life. It's also just salt in the wound for both you and the baby that she's the reason you aren't with the father. I say tell ';Daddy'; that he can either see his son alone or not at all.
Thats very reasonable, This is in no way about his girlfriend this is you being strong and facing the man who hurt you for the sake of your child. If you don't feel comfortable about her being there, then politely tell him such. You are being much kinder than I would by considering let the girlfriend meet her at the end of your trip. But let him know from the get go that all of this what ever you decide to do its all your call.
I would tell him, that at this time, it would make you uncomfortable and that you need to put your own mental and emotional health first for the babies sake. The stress of having her involved could put you into post-partum depression and then what will you do? Post partum depression is real and its serious and stress can trigger it. If the babies father is going to be that insenstive to your feelings then you might want to reconsider the visit with him altogether. Your situation must be hard, best of luck to you.
You have to realize, though its harsh, that this woman might be your child's future step-mother. I think your idea on letting her meet your child at the end of your trip sounds reasonable and hopefully the father will understand. But also realize that even though he hurt you, you have a child together and need to be able to discuss things with one another.
It's reasonable for him to see the baby, Yes, But then when his girl friend comes in to the situation tell him to **** off. It's your baby, His as well, But he did cheat on you, She had no right to see the baby if you don't want her to. Him, He messed with your life and you own him nothing. The only tie you have to him now is the child, the woman doesn't even come into the situation.
My answer is that you shouldn't deal with her. Tell him that if he wants to see his baby then it's under your terms. Tell him that you're not comfortable having her see your child and that's that. Just because he asks and it's his new gf doesn't mean she has any right to see the ghild. It's only between the father, mother, and son.
ummm i would say helllll no to this guy. that tramp can stay far far away from your baby, and you have every right to tell who can be around your baby. sorry to be so blunt, but i would be so pissed if i was you. he cheated on you while you were pregnant with this girl. keep her away, you dont want her thinking its ok and definitly dont want your baby thinking shes another mommy
on my part, i think you should tell him that you dont want a lot of people around your baby,


and that it would be to awkward to have his gf over there with you guys,


thats what i would say,


but if you are comfortable around him and his gf then just caution your self,


and if its to much pressure,


then simply say your tired,


and you and the baby need your rest...





GOOD LUCK,
3 months! Don't worry about it. Its not like the baby will bond with her.





This guy doesn't deserve someone as nice as you :) Go with it, let him bond, and let the girl come over! You do live far away, its not like he's going to be calling this chick ';mommy';





I Know you were hurt, but this guy is a loser. You are better off without him . Maybe seeing him again will offer you some closure.





HOpe all goes well!
Absolutely not! This meeting is for HIM to meet his daughter, not his girlfriend. I think it is completely out of line for him to ask. If she was his wife it would be different. If this is important to him, he will agree to your terms.





Meet him somewhere public. A park or resturant. You do not have to leave the baby alone with him unless you have a court order.





You are being very reasonable!!!
your ex is a scum. your ex's new girlfriend has no right to see your little baby, and your ex has no right to ask you for ANYTHING like that after what he did to you. you are now a parent, and you have to stand up for what you beleive is right for your baby. your baby and your health comes FIRST, not the feelings of a homewrecker.
I would tell him wait until you have custody though the courts. That way, he has no right to take off with your baby. My friend is going through a similar situation, and that's what she told him (and is following through with it), so that way he can't hide the child from her without breaking the law.
I think you are very reasonable, 1. Its your kid and his kid she wasn't there and therefore its not her place to but in.


Tell him you want it to be just you and the baby, plus the baby will be very distraught as to being alone with a stranger, but I believe your very fair.
You have every right to not want her there. I wouldnt either.





This is a big event for him. He is meeting his son for the first time. He could focus on the baby more if he were alone.





Tell him to leave homewrecker elsewhere for the meeting.
That is definitaly the right decision. The father should be the person to get to know the baby, not the girlfriend. Let her see he/she at the end of your visit, for a short time.
If it was a different girlfriend then I'd say maybe- but for the girl that cheated with him- HELL NO!!!!!!! If it weren't for her there could have been a chance that you two were still together?!?!? No way in hell.
dont let her. they have an agenda. say its ok for him but not for her, maybe when he can prove himself as a dad. dont leave the baby there on its own...pleeeease!.he has deceived you once be careful!
he cheated why do u have to go fly over there have him come over and visit without that tramp ugghh thats cruel i hate men like that
i wouldnt let the little homewrecker near my baby and i would make him come to us not the other way around.
nope, the home wrecker has no rights to your kid!
Tell him she would corrupt the visit...That's what a judge would say !!!
just go with it, he's still gotta be in your life.
wow you sound like you are a very resonable person and very down to earth. I am sorry you are going through such a complicated time. I think it is a good idea to let him meet his son and he should have one on one time with him without the girlfriend around and you have every right to tell him she may meet the baby if he is around but make sure they get one on one time before she does that. I understand you may not want her to bond with your baby and having her see him at the end of the trip sounds like a good idea. Good luck I hope the trip goes well for you
That is very reasonable. The baby is yours, it sounds like he is not even going to be there when you give birth. So, you ultimately decide who does and does not see the baby. Dont get me wrong, babies are awesome. But, why would she want to see it. It would bother me a lot to know i was with a man while he was with a woman that was 5 months pregnant. They both did something very scumby.





anyway, your baby. your the primary care giver. you decide.





oh, and congratulations! May your baby bring joy to your life!
OK this is really hard to tell any woman but would u rather for him to not tell u and the girl just be there?? Ok since he told u it might be best if u meet her only because when the child gets older and goes to stay with daddy for the weekend u would at lease want to know the female that will be there.





I would have to meet her first before she can just come with him. Find a place to met her at and just u and her can talk and see whats going on. A good way to get ur feelings off of ur chest. Then after a couple of days if she wants to come with him and u think it is ok then let her if not then tell him no. That is ur choice. AND URS ONLY!!!





This is how i did it with my ex I told him if he is with someone and my child might be around this female please let me meet her first. Only because I want to know who will be around my child and want to know what kind of person they are only because i am the child's mother and i will be dam*n if i leave my child with him and the female he is with miss treated my child they would have to put me under the jail only because that is my child and i have been there this whole time at night when the kids wakes up who is there (you) when the child needs something to eat who is there (you) when u child gets a boo boo who is there (you) when ur child needs someone to comfort him/her who is there (you).





I think it would not be a bad thing only because u will know who will be around ur child if he did get to have the kid over the weekend when the child is old enough.





A mother can tell if a woman will be a grown up and can show ur child what is right and wrong.





I would do it only so i can see the female and see if i can trust her around my child. That would be in ur best favor.





But it is all up to u if things get out of hand then leave. Good luck and for me it worked out fine I didnt like her as a person only because she was with him but i know she would never mistreat my child if she got mad at him.
His cheating behavior has put the responsibility on you to be the ';mature'; parent. It sounds like you are doing a great job so far (flying there despite the hurt he caused you). His request is rather insensitive to you and if it were me I would say exactly that. ';Sorry it took me so long to answer your question about whether your girlfriend could be there or not...I just couldn't get over how insensitive it was.';





Perhaps she has requested to be there when he meets his child because of his history of disloyalty, i.e. she thinks he might leave her to be with you and the baby. Hear me out on this even if it sounds crazy... She may be worried that he will ';reconnect'; with you because of the undeniable bond two people have when they share a child. She can't give him that. Unless of course they have a child together, which is a totally different story...





I would simply say to him that you want him to meet his child the way it should have been. Mom, Dad and baby. Anyone else around takes the focus off this special time.





In order to show your maturity and your lack of threat to their relationship, I would say that I would reallllly love to meet her so why don't we all have quick lunch near the airport the day I fly home.





Remember what you are making this trip for...your son's relationship with his dad not your relationship with your son's dad. Do what you can to make everybody get along for your son's sake without comprising yourself!
if it were me no way he is being very unreasonable and selfish to ask you to accept this woman who broke up your marriage and to ask for her to be in the babies life no way no how i think your plan is just perfect the least contact with your child the better and stand up for yourself don't back down she did this to you to not just him you went through the rest of your pregnancy and birthing by yourself while she was lazing with your man sorry but i would slap him and then her but then im nasty. Or are you hoping that falling in love with his son will bring him back home.
I think what you've thought about is an okay idea, but at the same time, if its going to cause you any grief by seeing her, then don't do it. The purpose of the trip is to intro baby to dad. They will not likely bond over such a short trip, but its a start. I would ask him that fr this first trip, you would prefer it just be him because you want his ful attnetion to be on his son. He should respect that. I would suggest that once he has met his son, and if he and the girlfriend are still together down the road, then the next time he sees the baby, maybe she can come along. I would not leave the child unsupervised at any time...I mean don't leave the house...not the room...and you have a very good excuse in breastfeeding. Its a terribly situation. Awful. Let us know what you decide
i agree with you. the father should spend the time to bond with him. his girlfriend has no reason to be there. she doesn't need a bond with your son. now if it were his wife, then i could see her wanting to get to know him, but not just a girlfriend. you are perfectly within reason to let the father visit and the girlfriend just briefly meet him. the father is probably scared of his girlfriend getting mad at him for being around you without her and if that's the case, she needs to grow up and he needs to stand up and be a man. best of luck to you!