Advice needed; city terrorized every New Year's Eve by alcoholic Saint Bernard...?

';Brandy'; was trained as a rescue dog in the Alps, and does love the schnapps and the cognac; years ago she was turned loose by her owners and now lives in the nearby woods, where she usually causes no problems. New Year's Eve, however, is a different story.





Tomorrow, as people fill the store parking lots with their liquor purchases, they will be keeping a sharp lookout for Brandy, but it will do them no good---this is one crafty canine! Before they realize what has hit them, Brandy will come barrelling out from the snowdrift she was hiding behind and tackle them, before running off with the liquor. She also leaves slobber puddles for the unwary, who slip and fall helplessly, while she gracefully leaps over them, snatching the shopping bags in her jaws as she passes....all of those year's treading dangerous Alpine peaks has forged this dog into a world class gymnastic fur ball, and no one can stop her!





The police have tried everything, but Brandy outwits them; her heavy fur makes her invulnerable to even the most deadly bullets---that is, when she doesn't smack them back at the officers with her dextrous tail! She is excellent at crafting snow too, and many times the officers have come back to their squad cars to find them encased in a frosty prison, which they have to spend hours digging it out from. There just is no matching wits with her!





There is nothing worse than seeing the city bums running for their lives, shopping carts in a hurry in front of them, chased by a fearsome Saint Bernard with its tongue lolling in the wind, anxious to get at their quarter-filled bottles of Thunderbird and Night Train! I know that it will be an uneasy holiday, with everyone on the lookout for the sight of those paw-pad prints in the snow.





What can we do?Advice needed; city terrorized every New Year's Eve by alcoholic Saint Bernard...?
lol send her to AAA meetings (Alcoholic Animals Anonymous)Advice needed; city terrorized every New Year's Eve by alcoholic Saint Bernard...?
Happy New Year, you funny guy you.





About the dog... have you ever stopped to think that she is stealing liquor because no one invites her to a real party? If I were that lonely I'd steal alcohol too.
Hide your Thunderbird and Night Train in your shirt, and get into your shopping cart. That should save the day.
WOW. YOU'RE A GREAT WRITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





But stay inside just in case!!